Nine

Counting down now…like, for real counting down.  Today was the 10th day, and now there are nine more days to work at Big Oil.  Admittedly, I’m going to miss some of the people at Big Oil – some of these people were here when I hired in, and I get to leave before them.  It’s OK, they are happy where they are…they certainly don’t have to stay.

I’m excited, and worried, and happy, and yes, even all the way scared.  It’s about the money, or the fear of having a shortage of it.  Well, it’s just silly.  Of course I will continue to pay the bills.  Of course!  If I thought I couldn’t pay the bills, I’d abort the whole plan and march my large floppity ass right back down into the dismal rut that has been my work life for the past way-too-many-years.  Burnout is a dreary thing, but the steady fat paycheck is a hard habit to break.

    

Saturday, I took a break from grading papers so that Someone and I could play a round of golf.  It’s the first time I’ve played golf in 2016.  It was ugly (my game, not the weather.)  Still, I managed a few pars and birdied a long par 3 which was completely delightful.  The other holes don’t matter.  I didn’t lose any golf balls, the course was nearly deserted and in good condition, so it was a spectacular afternoon.  I’ve still not taken my kayak out this year.  😞

Indulging in a few hours of leisure reminds me of my former life in an odd sort of way.  In my former life (pre-twins), even when there was only Sarah, but especially before her, there were great expanses of leisure time.  I could leave home for an entire weekend and go camping.  There was time to sew, paint, read, pick around on my guitar, do crafty things, cook, play piano, watch TV, organize things, and just mess around (you know, just do nothing in particular and waste time). 

Leisure completely ended when the twins were born.  Emily came home from the hospital with me a week before Erin was released.  It was perhaps within two days after both babies were home from the hospital that I looked up from whatever it was I was doing (probably changing a diaper) to see Sarah standing there, looking at me with such a pitiful, hopeless expression – she was only 8 years old then. 

“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked her.
She said, “You’re just never going to have any more time to play with me, are you?”
You can only imagine the guilt.  “Probably not for a long time,” I answered her, sadly.

Sarah has assured me many times that she loves her sisters and she's glad they were born.

About the time the twins became less needy, my folks (actually, my grandparents) became more needy.  In and out of nursing homes and hospitals, I made time to cook for them, take them to doctors, help them with stuff…all the way to the bitter end (and beyond) for both of them eventually.  Then it was going back to school, the doctorate, and then brother Richard took the place of grandparents as far as hospitals (and jail), and doing stuff for him.  His estate is still not settled, and I have one final promise to fulfill for him…something that will take a large investment of time.   

But soon, ladies and gentlemen, I’m taking back my life.  I’ve got BIG PLANS.  Not really….it’s more like lots of small plans.  But whatever, It’s going to be really, very good.