Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.
This little rhyme has been rolling around my head since yesterday morning. Monday mornings are just so terribly hopeless. Such is life when one is totally burnt out and completely uninspired with her job. It’s that hopelessness, that knowing that the work week this week will be like last week’s will be like last week’s will be like last week’s…and fantasizing about anything better than last week… that keeps me wanting to stay snuggled under a pile of blankets on Monday mornings. I will think, “Oh, if only I could just stay in bed forever!” It’s a terrible wish and one I would never say out loud. Sure as shit, God would grant it if he heard me say it.
It’s not so much that I want to stay in bed really, but more that I don’t want to face another day in the office. It’s not that my job is routine and boring, because it’s not anything like that. It’s more like a 12-ring circus with so much going on that nobody can see it all. When I leave at the end of the day, it feels like I’ve been splattered to the four walls, or ripped apart by hungry wolves, or something devastating like that.
As horrible and hopeless as my work life is, Spring seems to be here today and has brought its hope to my spirit. Hope is a wondrous thing. I stepped out at lunchtime and took in one deep breath that carried the smell of freshly mowed grass and daffodils. The warm sunshine caused me to shuck off my jacket and look up to see a cloudless blue sky. It all reminded me that those 60 hours of corporate slavery are nothing that matters in the big scheme of things. Golf courses to visit, lakes to paddle my kayak on and swim in, woods to tromp through with Gracie, horses to ride, and gardens to plant and tend….all these things are promises of spring. My hammock!!! Yes, soon I’ll be hanging that up again.There is so much to be grateful for. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye...but not in the spring.