KYLady is grateful for the lousy weather this week. The 3-day weekend was delightful, though the weather was dreadfully sucky. Thunderstorms or threat-of-storms all three days kept her off the golf course and out of her beloved kayak. So now it’s back to “the grind” and GOOD!! The weather continues to suck which is OK because KYLady will have no free time at all until Thursday evening. Even then (Thursday evening), she has much catching up. The KYLady homestead has fallen into a state of complete despair. As primary house-slave, KYLady has an unimaginable number of tasks waiting to be done. What she really needs is a wife and handyman.
That statement causes me to wonder, in same-sex marriage with two women, do they share the chores or does one assume the house-slave role (like in typical marriages)? As my readers may have surmised by all my whining and bitching, Someone does not do housework. At least, he does no housework without a significant amount of bribery, shaming, and nagging on my part.
Someone will perform a task if I:
- 1. Start the task for him
- 2. Give him explicit performance instructions (i.e. how to)
- 3. Explain expected outcome in rich detail
- 4. Define the scope of the task and timeline for completion
- 5. Repeatedly express gratitude during his performance of said task so that he does not lose interest before the task is completed
- 6. Reward him afterwards with some form of junk food
- 7. Do all cleanup after the task (such as put away cleaning supplies and tools)
Honestly, it’s hardly worth my effort. It’s as if getting him to perform a task is another task for me. I have tried to create a scheduled task for him, such as…”Honey, I’d like for you to vacuum the stairs once a week for me.” It just doesn’t happen without reminders and retraining…and that whole idea that I must always start the task is a showstopper. Of course, he will say, “I don’t see why this is such a big deal for you.” Right, so why is it always such a big deal for him?
Once when our youngest girls were still toddlers, we went for a weekend trip to a lake where we went swimming and boating. Long story short, we got home late at night. We were all tired. Someone and I had to go to work the next morning. We got home, I put the little girls to bed, then together Someone and I unloaded everything from the car. We had a large, clear plastic garbage bag that was full of wet towels, swimsuits, and wet shorts and tee shirts…everything we had used or worn on the boat that day. I was too tired to start laundry that night, so I set the bag in the laundry room with plans to start the laundry first thing in the morning (before work). Off to bed, I overslept and did not start the laundry as intended the next morning.
Well, as it were, I got home from work that evening with intentions to begin washing all those wet clothes. Unbeknownst to me until I got home, Someone had taken the day off work because he was too tired and could take off. I went to the laundry room to begin my chores and the bag was gone. I asked Someone if he had done laundry or moved the bag for some reason. He looked completely bewildered, like…what on this earth was I talking about? After brief discussion, we concluded that Someone had set the bag out for the garbage men to haul away that morning. The towels and clothes were forever gone. Then things got ugly. Someone had a new shirt and shorts in that bag. One of the girls had a new swimsuit in that bag. All our beach towels were in the bag too.
Someone said to me, “I can’t believe WE were so stupid that WE put the dirty laundry in a garbage bag and set it beside the garbage can.”
I said, “It was a clear bag, and the bag was actually setting beside the washing machine, not the trash can. This wouldn’t have happened if only WE had observed that the CLEAR bag was full of very heavy, colorful cloth items and not normal trash.”
Someone rebutted, “Well, WE should have known better than to put a garbage bag of any kind anywhere near the garbage can on garbage day.”
Oh man! He didn’t (but yes he did)!
I let it fly, “Since WE have never offered to take garbage out in over 4 years of marriage, WE didn’t think WE had any awareness of when garbage day was.”
And that was the end of the matter. I’m pleased to report that Someone is doing better in recent years with setting the garbage cans out for the garbage truck without me prompting him. It is a task that he now takes initiative for and does…about 10% of the time.