Tis the season

Tis the season.  I love Christmas despite all the extra work that goes with this time of year.  For some odd reason, I’m ahead of schedule.  It is only December 10, and already the outside lights are up, the stockings are hung, wreaths affixed to doors, some presents ordered and delivered (not wrapped), and the Christmas tree is well under way.  Only a few more boxes of shit to hang on the tree, and then we’re done with decorating.  No, really there’s no “shit” on the tree, but I was asking myself this morning (as I was hanging box after box of ornaments), is all this shit really necessary?  It all comes down in just a few weeks.  It seems like a tremendous waste of time and energy...but it’s what we always do.  I do it only because it’s what we always do.

My favorite part of decorating is setting out the nativity set.  It’s not that I’m a very religious person – I am most definitely not.  But the nativity represents the reason for the season, and this nativity set is marvelous (in my opinion, at least...and that’s the only one I care about).  It’s got everything, except for I wish there were more animals.  For some reason, that just sparked an idea...a nativity where all the figures are cats.  That would sell.

Gloria - our little nativity

  

One would think we could invite friends and family over soon, but we have a mess in the family room, which is our primary living space.  I bought a new couch and love seat three months ago.  It was delivered a month ago.  For the past month, we have two couches and two love seats in our family room because NOBODY in this part of the world can be hired to haul away a load of unwanted shit.  The room is FULL of furniture because it’s a small room – none of the rooms in this house are large.  I have tried HomeAdvisor, checked Craig’s List and Facebook MarketPlace, solicited Facebook friends who have sons, advertised at the community college and two high schools, called three numbers in the local paper for people who claim they will do manual labor and odd jobs, and nobody wants the job of hauling two pieces of furniture to the dump – name your price.  Evidently, our economy is booming and nobody needs money.

It’s OK.  I have a plan and a minivan.  I will cut off the fabric to expose the furniture skeletons, then dismember them into manageable pieces.  This will happen right in the family room since Someone is unwilling to help me move these monstrosities.  Someone likes to brag about carrying two 40-pound buckets of rocks up the side of a mountain in his Spartan races the past two summers, but ask him to do some practical heavy lifting, and he’s worried about hurting his back.  When it’s all said and done, hopefully there will only be sawdust and perhaps some splinters to clean up (if a saw will not suffice, we have an axe). 

Perhaps I will start this endeavor tonight during Someone’s favorite activity – watching Monday night football on the big screen (in our little family room).  Does that sound a bit passive-aggressive?  It might be that if I cut the pieces small enough and bundle them well, the garbage men may haul it all away bit-by-bit.  I could set out a bundle (or two) every week, and put all the cushions and stuffing in large black garbage bags. No trip to the dump!  I’ll just store all the debris on Someone’s side of the garage until it’s all gone.  I’m sure he won’t mind.