Thursday, May 2, 2013

disconcerting happiness?

I wanted to write a happy blog post but things are all messed up at the moment. I should be happy, but it’s a world of turmoil when you live with twin girls who are so competitive with each other and who can’t stop comparing themselves when anything happens. Anyway, it makes me tired to deal with their continuous rants about who is smarter, prettier, more popular, dumber, uglier, fatter, thinner, more talented, etc., etc., etc. I don’t care!!!! I really don’t care. I love all my children equally and I just wish everyone in the world could quit saying anything they perceive to be a comparison. Something great happens for one and then you can’t be too happy about it because the other insists she’s worthless for whatever reason. Great things have recently happened for both of them, but they are different great things.  In the end, people have to lose for people to win.

Really, in this world we’ve created such a terribly competitive society – too many people expect to succeed. We’ve inflated grades, dumbed-down tests, have competitions where everyone walks away with a ribbon or trophy. It’s that way for most little kids, and then when they get older and really lose, they’re devastated. It totally sucks porcupine privates. I think the sooner we teach our kids that life is not fair, many people aren’t fair or nice, and nothing is for sure, the better off they will be. At the same time, I don’t want my girls to be as pessimistic about life as me. My best bet is just to keep my mouth shut and let the chips fall where they may.

I’m supposed to defend my dissertation next Tuesday night. When I hang up the phone, with any luck at all, I’ll be more than Me; I’ll be Dr. Me. For some reason, I can’t get excited about it. Shakespeare said it best, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” I’m still me, just older, more tired, and with less money in the bank. I’m not a rose; maybe more like a dandelion. Maybe it’s hard to get happy about it because I don’t like doing presentations at all. Not in the least little bit. It even makes me a bit sick to think about doing it. It’ll be fine as long as the technology works through it all. Nobody will know nearly as much about my work as I do, so probably there won’t be complicated questions to answer. It’s just one more hoop to jump through (keep telling myself).

No comments: