Wednesday, September 25, 2013

canned monkeys

I’m on strike. It’s a personal strike. There’s been enough drama at work today. Now I’m going to sit and do NOTHING. Nothing except write a blog post while I wait on some people to be notified via automated processes that it’s time to create more drama. How in the hell did I get myself into this line of work? I must have been a crack baby. There, I’ll blame my mother…as if crack fathers are no matter at all. Their sperm must be genuine grade A perfection regardless of how much crack they use – you never hear about a crack father. But God forbid you should be one of those scummy skanky crack ho’s putting out those poor little sick babies into the world.

Well, I wasn’t a poor little sick baby, so it must be that my mother wasn’t on crack when I was born. Lucky for me. It’s also lucky I wasn’t born in the Middle East or somewhere that permits fathers to kill their daughters for embarrassing them, or where women are stoned to death, or drowned, or hung for making decisions for themselves. I probably wouldn’t have lived to see my age reach double digits. I bet Middle Eastern girls have nightmares about their mamas saying, “Just wait until your father gets home!” I’m not sure I ever used that phrase with any of my girls (perhaps they were always so perfectly well-behaved it was never necessary to threaten with a higher power….or perhaps the father was not the higher power in our house).


This morning at work, all hell broke loose. John Prine wrote a rather-depressing song about Sam Stone, a Viet Nam veteran who returned home from war as a morphine addict and finally died of an overdose. There’s a line in the song that always comes to mind on days like today – climbing walls while sitting in a chair. That was me today, monkeys in a can.  Things didn’t get any better until about 4:15, and it’s not over yet. 

Our new refrigerator was installed yesterday. It’s a magnificent example of modern technology. LED lighting makes everything look clean and sanitary (hmmmm…maybe because everything really is still clean). It has the same cubic feet as the old side-by-side fridge, but wow – it holds so much more! It’s safe to say all inhabitants of our house are impressed. Getting the old fridge out and new fridge in was very difficult. The delivery guys had to take the doors off the fridges to get them through the kitchen doorway. Someday, I imagine we will use 3D printers and nanotechnology to produce a new refrigerator right on site. No need to haul such a large item. That doesn’t take care of getting rid of the old one though.  It's not a perfect world.

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