Wednesday, June 15, 2011

haircut alternative

It’s too much running around this week…this whole DANG month has been too DANG busy. I hate when my calendar is so scheduled that I can’t even think about doing anything without consulting my calendar to see if I’m free. When did life become so F’ing complicated? I use that F word way too much. I think that should be the epitaph on my gravestone – “She F’ing died” – no, I don’t want a gravestone. I want to be cremated and my ashes dumped into the river or over a cliff….so it’s like I was never here. I F’ing don’t have time to plan a F’ing funeral and no relatives will have time to come anyway. I’ll be doing them a favor – they won’t have to reschedule their day to attend a funeral – one less complication and that’ll be my parting gift.

If I don’t find time to get a haircut soon….I think I’ll just light a match to it. I’m smiling. I actually did that once accidentally back in my college days – getting ready for a “hot date” and had my hair in rollers. I accidentally set one of the rollers on fire with a match. Long story…not appropriate blog material. I heard “crackle crackle” and started looking around, like, what the hell is that? “It sounds like something is burning,” I thought to myself. Then I realized it was my hair. PANIC! I patted it out with my hands and the roller fell to the floor. I ran to a mirror and saw my eyebrow was singed and there was frayed, singed hair where the roller had been. Yikes. More panic. What do you do when that happens? I parted my hair on the side and it wasn’t too noticeable. Valuable life lesson learned – carelessness has a price. By the way, I now know hair burns extraordinarily fast.

I have been writing about little girl panty stories…let me back up to the diaper stage. One of my little girls found her diaper to be especially useful for storing things. She used it like some people might use their pockets. When I changed her diaper, it was not at all unusual to find plastic animals, rocks, little Polly Pocket dolls, cookies, blocks, gummy snacks, or other assorted little toys in her diaper. Diapers are a bit bulky on a baby but sometimes these objects gave her a very unusual shape. Sometimes, I would pick her up to carry her and feel something hard and strange in her diaper…but with this child, it was always a few blocks or perhaps a plastic hippopotamus. I would change her diaper and tell her it’s not sanitary to eat from her diaper, but she’d just smile at me and look at me with giant eyes, and act all innocent.

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