Saturday, November 23, 2013

premonition dream

It was a very disturbing dream for me last night.  To think about it, it was nightmarish, but I didn’t wake up screaming like some nights.  I wasn’t afraid of anything in this dream – I was pissed off. 

In the dream, I must have been Jewish.  I was standing in a very long line with a bunch of strangers, waiting my turn to walk into a large concrete oven.  It was a concentration camp, everyone was thin and wearing dirty, gray clothes.  Armed guards made us take all our clothes and shoes off.  It’s hard to imagine that a person would feel anything but fear in that situation, but I was pissed off.  I didn’t want to be naked in public, I didn’t want to wait in line, but worst of all, I had to pee and there was no place to go – no restrooms.  My time came, so I walked into the oven.  People packed in around me like a very crowded elevator.  The door shut and it began to get hot.  Then very quickly, my head hurt like a bad headache, all the air went out of my lungs, and I somehow floated out of the oven.  I woke up.  I never die in my dreams. 

Having thought about it a lot today, it must be related to some bad news I got at work Friday.  I’ve been drafted – I will go into, what we in IT call “the trenches”.  My supervisor called Friday afternoon at 4 PM.  I was immediately suspicious, his tone was too jolly, he was too apologetic, it was late in the day.  It’s a long story, but I will be “on ground” to “help” with a critical new application being rolled out to 3500 people during a turnaround (i.e. very high risk period) who will not have adequate training beforehand.  And guess what?  I won’t have any training either.  Blind leading the blind.

What does this mean?  Days of working very long hours, no sleep, eating out of vending machines or they might cater in food sometimes if we’re lucky and have time to eat.  OK, we sleep, but it’s like go back to the motel, sleep for two or three hours, shower, and return.  Three days of that, and you hate living.  Believe me, I’ve done it too many times before.  It’s been six years since I’ve had to work like that, and at least that time it was not far from home and it was for a finite time frame – 4 days.  The times before that, I was much younger.  This time, according to the emails, they “don’t understand what the support model will be”.  They “don’t know how long the implementation phase will last”.  Worst of all, they “don’t know if the application will function adequately across our network”.  Bottom line, this ain’t ready for prime time, but we’re pushing it out anyway.        

Why now?  Why are they doing this crazy thing over the holidays during a turnaround?  My super forwarded all the emails about this project after he talked to me, and I’ve only begun to learn what is really going on down there.  The woman who knows the most about the application being replaced and the processes involved is retiring at end of year.  They need her help.  Does it get any better than that??  When I see her, I will most definitely give her a high-five. 

On the down side of this whole crappy situation, I will be making lots of trips to this hell-hole.  I will most likely be spending Christmas and New Year away from my family.  If I could retire right now, I would!  I would.  Oh, but it’s not all without compensation.  The last time some people in my department were involved in one of these killer things, one of the guys in my office worked 92 hours in a 5-day period and was away from his family for nine straight weeks.  The manager of our department sent all those who served in “the trenches” a nice thank-you note and a $50 gas card.  Um yeah…yur welcome.    

So that’s enough whining.  No more of that.  It’s time to soldier up, be grateful I have a job, and open the bourbon bottle.  Indeed, a little attitude adjustment never hurts.   

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