Sunday, February 23, 2014

punching the clock

When things get too chaotic in life, it’s very hard for me to think straight-line enough to organize a blog post.  My whole world is just a mess right now, so please forgive (in advance) that this will be a ramble of a post.  It’s not quite right to say my whole world is a mess, really, it’s just my work world.  It’s a total mess that invades everything else.  There seems to be no escape.  Not true, there’s always escape…just not a good one.
Poor Jack didn’t get all his sutures out last week as planned.  The vet looked and said he still has lots of healing to do.  She took out about half the stitches and told us to return in a week.  Unfortunately, later in the week, the remaining sutures popped loose leaving a giant hole with muscle exposed.  It was gruesome, so we went back to vet.  I know he’s going to die soon but the cancer is supposed to kill him, not infection.  She sewed him back together with much closer/smaller stitches.  So now, he has more medicine to take and the cone still on his head for another two weeks.  Poor kitty.

Fortunately, I’m one of those people who can almost always sleep, even when horrible things are going on.  It’s a good thing because I’m not a nice person when tired - I can be a Lizzy Borden-type.  Usually things don’t get to that point.  Because I’m such an efficient sleeper, I can set my alarm for 6 to 7 minutes into the future, close my eyes, and be dead to the world almost immediately.  When the alarm wakes me, and I’m good until time for bed.  Power-napping is my forte.  

What I’ve learned is that any sleep more than 10 minutes is very hard for me to come out of.  It’s for this reason that I hate my alarm clock so much.  It sits beside my bed out of reach – on purpose – so I have to sit up to turn it off.  It’s the same with the phone.  If I get a trouble call from work at night, it’s not good to be talking in my sleep.  It’s less likely to happen if I’m at least sitting up. 

I’ve often imagined my alarm clock as an evil creature who was placed on this earth for the sole purpose to torment me.  It harasses me mercilessly until I get out of bed.  We curse each other, over and over, every morning.  It’s not a pleasant way to get up, but is there ever a pleasant way to get up?  I like to sleep.  Our typical conversation goes like this:


Me:  Shut the F up.  I heard you already. *reset the clock for 3 more minutes*

Clock: Lazy bitch


Me:  NO!  SHUT UP!  It’s not time.  I hate you!

Clock:  F you.  Get up.  Not my fault, you set me.

Me:  F You!!  *reset the clock for 8 more minutes*

Clock:  Dumb-ass ^#&$%$  (KYLady will not write such obscenities used by the clock)

Me: Go straight to hell and stay there.  I should power off your ass.  *reset for 2 minutes*

Clock: GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP (stupid @%^@#@*#@)

Me:  ALRIGHT Mother F’er, you win.  I’m up.  

Portrait of my alarm clock

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