Tuesday, February 3, 2015

rock star wanna-be

February has already come.  I’m pleased to announce that as of last night, February 2nd, Christmas is packed away and things are back to their usual state of chaos at least on the main levels of the KYLady household.  The basement, however, is a sad story.  Holiday decorations have a place in the big closet under the stairs.  I promised myself that this year, I’ll empty the closet, sweep it out, get rid of things we haven’t used in years, and restack everything in there nice and neat.  Right now, the closet is half empty with contents piled and stacked around the doorway.  I should get right on it, but when I walk down there to start on it, it’s overwhelming and completely depressing.  Perhaps it would go better next time if I put on some loud music and take a bottle of bourbon with me.  When things get too dismal and that urge to run comes on, I’ll take a big swig.  Heck, if I get a large-enough bottle, cleaning the basement might just become a new hobby.
Mondays are such a drudge for me.  Dread begins the moment the alarm clock starts its assault.  Yesterday morning, after I cursed the clock and silenced it, I forced myself to slide out from the soft, warm cocoon that is my bed, and dragged my lazy carcass to the shower.  Is there anything as wonderful in the morning as a hot shower?  So it was the usual morning ritual for me, off to work on a dreary very cold morning, park the car, and trudge into my office.  But as soon as I walked in, my spider plant grabbed my attention.  Over the weekend, it had put forth a delightful little blossom to greet me.  It’s funny how something so small can just completely turn around my day.  I could start at least 75 new plants from the babies on this one.

Beauty is its own excuse for being - R. W. Emerson

Bunches of spider plant babies.

Mondays are bad, but not as bad as they used to be.  Starting last month, I use 3 hours of vacation time on Monday afternoons to go teach (my other job).  It’s getting better and easier for me, thank heavens!  Yesterday, the chapter we covered was short, so after we reviewed it we had an hour to kill.  I devised a game for the students to play, and brought a sack of candy to use for prizes.  We drew names randomly for teams – that was a good thing because it quickly became apparent that students really didn’t know who each other were.  This realization was a bit of a surprise to me because many of them have been in the same program for a year and share lots of classes, our class is only 15 students, and yesterday was our 5th class already.  The game was purposeful in that it helped them prepare for their first test next week, but better than that, the teamwork forced them to interact and learn each other’s names (at least those who were on their team).  Most students had fun with the game.  The hour flew by for me, and we even went a few minutes over (for those who wanted to stay, which was all but one) so that everyone could finish up the last round and pick out some candy.  It was a successful class, it seemed.  It made me feel like a competent instructor to see them engaged in learning together.
I’ve gone from feeling worthless, to having a sense of mere survival, to feeling competent after teaching a class.  It’s a vast improvement, even if it all goes to hell next week.  I’m somewhere around the middle of the instructor self-assessed self-defined competency continuum, at least regarding yesterday’s class. 

KYLady's competency continuum

It’s time for me to revamp my Curriculum Vitae and launch Phase 2 of Changing My Career.  I’ve got to find more work, the sooner the better.  But like everything else in my life, I’m procrastinating.  Why is success so f*ing hard for me?  You’d think I’d be doing everything in my power to get where I want to go.  I’m my biggest obstacle.  I will get started….tonight!      

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