Thursday, August 9, 2012

maximized frustration

Dare I even start thinking about the current state of things?

I’m one of those people who sort of plows through life mindlessly. It works best for me most of the time not to get too involved in all the day to day business that goes on. Sometimes it’s impossible to stay out of it, but I manage most of the time.

Two nights ago, I got an email from the institutional review board (IRB) that things were about to happen for me. I wanted to think it would be good things. I want to be an optimistic person, but why oh why do I ever think being optimistic is something that can work for me? It just doesn’t! I hedged. I told myself that my wait is almost over, I did what they told me to do – trust the process and it will probably turn out OK. Probably. OK, for me, that’s optimism.

Being a pessimist is just shitty. Nobody likes to hang with a pessimist; I know that. I try to keep my shitty outlook to myself, but sometimes, the volcano erupts and shit spews everywhere. Yep – I’m about to blow again.

I got another email last night from the board. This one says “WTF did you do, you idiot? Put your original documents back out on our web site, fill out the Proposed Change to Proposal form and email it to us. We will get back to you when we damn well please, 15-25 days from the time you do what we’re telling you to do this time.” It was easy. I had everything they asked for THIS TIME already prepared.

Needless to say, I’m totally bummed. Bummed out. Disgruntled. Pissed off. Despaired. Depressed. Blue. Whatever else means not happy about the current state of things.

What can I do about it? Nothing. Wait, wait, and more waiting. Getting a doctorate has nothing to do with being smart or having goals. It’s all about persistence, tolerance, and money. Lots and lots of money.

No comments: