Monday, July 29, 2013

Oz without technicolor


Scatterbrain Monday morning.  I can hardly put words together.  Work is impossible with this chaotic mess in my head.  Neural traffic is out of control.  My synapses snapped and tangled into knots.

How can a divine weekend be followed by such a hopelessly bleak, miserable Monday morning?  If I were going to euthanize myself, it would be on a Monday morning….start of a work week.  Obviously, a career change is very much needed.  Career change logistics are complicated.

My academic advisor called Friday, congratulated me, and said I can register to graduate.  It makes no sense at all, but this thing (graduation) that I’ve been dreaming of and looking forward to for so many years, makes me very unsettled to think about now that the time is here.  It’s kind of like I’m Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.  The tornado picked up my house and finally I’ve landed with a giant bump, but when I step outside, my world isn’t in color.  It’s all still black and white…and very ordinary.  I wanted rainbows, dancing flowers, iridescent bubbles, and magic - lots of magic.  But I’m still me in Kansas.  Maybe the color will come.  I hope.  I don’t want to pick any apples before they’re ripe. 

2 comments:

Linda Twaddle said...

I should have warned you in advance. Monday was AWFUL here too. I was so happy to go to bed and leave it behind.

Tuesday is a bit better.

It sounds like you have worked so hard for everything. Maybe it's what comes after the prize is in the hand that is unsettling.

KYLady said...

Thanks for commenting, Linda. Yes, you are probably right. I have no idea how to reinvent my life. The rut gets pretty deep after 30+ years.