Scatterbrain Monday morning.
I can hardly put words together.
Work is impossible with this chaotic mess in my head. Neural traffic is out of control. My synapses snapped and tangled into knots.
How can a divine weekend be followed by such a hopelessly
bleak, miserable Monday morning? If I
were going to euthanize myself, it would be on a Monday morning….start of a
work week. Obviously, a career change is
very much needed. Career change
logistics are complicated.
My academic advisor called Friday, congratulated me, and
said I can register to graduate. It
makes no sense at all, but this thing (graduation) that I’ve been dreaming of
and looking forward to for so many years, makes me very unsettled to think
about now that the time is here. It’s
kind of like I’m Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.
The tornado picked up my house and finally I’ve landed with a giant
bump, but when I step outside, my world isn’t in color. It’s all still black and white…and very
ordinary. I wanted rainbows, dancing
flowers, iridescent bubbles, and magic - lots of magic. But I’m still me in Kansas. Maybe the color will come. I hope.
I don’t want to pick any apples before they’re ripe.
2 comments:
I should have warned you in advance. Monday was AWFUL here too. I was so happy to go to bed and leave it behind.
Tuesday is a bit better.
It sounds like you have worked so hard for everything. Maybe it's what comes after the prize is in the hand that is unsettling.
Thanks for commenting, Linda. Yes, you are probably right. I have no idea how to reinvent my life. The rut gets pretty deep after 30+ years.
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