Tuesday, July 31, 2012

verbal regurgitation

Vacation is over and soon July will be over. The girls start back to school in two weeks and already the August – September calendar months are filling up with obligations. 950,000,000 things are running through my head this morning - work things, pet things, personal things, money things, dissertation things, other-people things, and house things. It’s all too much to keep track of. Sometimes I imagine I’m standing behind a gigantic dump truck of cow manure that’s dumping its load on my head. Today it seems like I’m surrounded by dump trucks.

I shouldn’t be so glum. No matter how shitty things are for me, many, many other people have worse things going on. I’m rather self-centered and selfish to pity myself for the shit I must stand in. And that’s another thing – who says I have to stand in this shit? This is my choice, right? I could run away from home, abandon my family and job, take on a new identity, and escape to Canada....or just end it all. But no, I’ll just take out an ad in the paper and invite people who are looking for a place to dump their manure to come see me. Bring it on.

I remember walking home once and it started to rain. It was a light rain at first, so I picked up the pace. I didn’t want stuff I was carrying to get too wet. Then with no warning, it started raining buckets. It was at least a mile to home and there was no place to get out of the rain between where I was and home. I started running. After a few minutes, I thought “Why am I running? My stuff and I couldn’t possibly get any wetter than we are right now.” I had reached saturation. The rest of the way home, I took my time and marveled at how it could rain so hard for so long.

There’s a limit to how much shit people will put up with. I’m damn lucky that things aren’t worse than they are.

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