Friday, January 4, 2013

got glue?

Here we are, another Friday, and thank you God for that because if I had to sit in this cubicle one more day, I’d probably do something really crazy. Even the short week makes no difference; I always start coming unglued on Friday. I imagine myself as Chief Broom in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  At the end of the story, he picks up something very large and heavy, heaves it through a window, and runs off to find freedom leaving the dismal place behind which ends a sad story in a happy way.

One wall of my cubicle space is floor-to-ceiling glass.  It is wonderful to have a view of the woods and lake; however, the idiots who designed the floor plan and cubicle configuration positioned me to sit with my back to the window. Fuckers! (Please pardon my French). They did that on purpose, no doubt. Anyway, On Fridays I oftentimes imagine myself throwing my chair through the window, leaping through the hole to the patio below, and running off into the woods never to be seen again. About the only way that could really happen is if I didn’t break any important bones when I hit the patio AND if I bled to death before getting out of the woods AND if there really was a bobcat in those woods that was very, VERY hungry. (I really don’t believe the rumors that a bobcat lives in the woods near this building).

my window wall

So well, today I’m a bit like Humpty Dumpty after the fall…all cracked up. The best cure is that liquid oblivion I use to love so much (i.e. bourbon), but the alcoholic brother business lately has totally turned me off drinking. What a pisser that is! I can’t even drink without thinking of him. CRAP!

Maybe I need Krazy Glue to keep me together today.

Does anyone besides me think the man sitting on top looks a bit odd perched there?

My youngest girls used to play with Polly Pockets, which are kind of like Barbie dolls, but very small (like under 3 inches tall), much skinnier, and significantly less expensive. Like Barbies, Pollys have zillions of accessories and slutty clothes.  Polly Pocket shoes are minuscule – I’ve sucked up hundreds of those in the sweeper over the years. Anyway, Someone stepped on Erin’s favorite Polly once. Poor Erin was in tears. I looked at the doll and assured Erin I thought we could glue her back together good as new. Her upper torso had only popped apart causing her arms and head to fall off. Easy fix! I got out the Krazy Glue, reassembled the doll and glued the back to the front torso. I didn’t have a tiny clamp so I just held the pieces firmly for a few minutes – the glue sets up real fast. I went to lay it all down on the kitchen counter to finish drying but the doll fell apart again, and I found myself with the doll’s boobs glued firmly to my index finger. I didn’t want to rip the skin off my finger and imagined the embarrassment of going to the ER to have it cut off my finger. Fortunately, a quick Internet search turned up a solution that worked pretty well. I soaked my finger (and doll part) in nail polish remover.  I ended up losing some skin (and only because I became impatient) but it wasn’t bad.  The second glue-attempt ended successfully and Erin was happy to have her doll back.

I sometimes liken myself to this grumpy gorilla (especially on Fridays and Mondays).

Me (under this cool, calm exterior)

Perhaps this is the kind of glue that would work best for me....

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