Thursday, January 17, 2013

imaginary family expansion

I’ve been struggling with writing Chapter 5; perhaps it’s more dragging my feet than struggling. I found a good study last night that will help in the discussion of my third hypothesis. I’ve come to find out there just haven’t been many empirical studies published that do comparative correlation of servant leadership and transformational leadership with another variable. In fact, I only found one. That’s kind of cool...maybe.

Anyway, it was a bit of a breakthrough finding that study and I wrote a decent introductory paragraph, so I knocked off work early (11:30 PM) and went to bed. Someone was already sacked and left the TV remote on my pillow.  Gracie and I crawled into bed and I started flipping channels.  I watched a few minutes of a documentary about the McCaughey septuplets who recently became teenagers. Anyway, it’s funny how what I watch on TV at the end of the day influences my dreams at night.

So from time to time I dream I’m pregnant or have a very young baby. The weirdest ones occurred when I really was pregnant, but last night’s dream was pretty strange.  I dreamed I was having sextuplets in our basement.  I was all in a tizzy because it was time for them to be born, I was unprepared, and Someone was asleep on the couch.  For whatever reason, I didn’t wake him.  So somehow, two of the babies were born (no pain or mess involved on my part…I didn’t even take my clothes off) and they magically appeared in a large cardboard box on a table. They were curled up together like puppies, slimy, and still had their cords hanging off them. I knew the babies needed to be washed off so I picked one up and carried it over to my desk where the light was better. The top drawer was open and full of water. Before starting its bath, I looked back at the box there were now three babies in the box. Then I got upset because I wasn’t sure of the gender of any of them or their birth order.  I glanced down at the baby I was holding and saw it was a girl with abnormally-long snow white hair. I said, “Oh my God, you look like Aunt Marie.” With that, I woke up...or maybe it was Gracie who woke  me up.  She licked my eye.  Anyway, Marie was actually a great-aunt who I was not close to and who died about ten years ago.  This baby in my dream had her hair as I remember it looking in her casket. Too weird!

Just before learning my baby was to be twins, I dreamed I had a gigantic dark-skinned Philippine baby, like as big as a 4-year-old when he was born.  I lugged this monster-sized baby boy wrapped in a blanket out to the hallway of the hospital where Someone and his parents were waiting to see him for the first time. Someone looked at the baby scornfully and remarked, “Well, he doesn’t look a thing like me. Let’s try again.” His comment shocked me so much I woke up.

I’ve dreamed I gave birth to kittens several times, but the most common dream is that my baby is very, very  small.  I take it to work with me and stick it in my desk drawer or purse so it won't be in the way, but I always lose it.  It’s always a bad dream to misplace something important. Perhaps if my life were more organized, I’d stop having those dreams.

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