Wednesday, June 20, 2012

under the radar

Things are:

A. Great

B. Bad

C. What they are

Correct answer? C, of course. It doesn’t matter if things are great or bad or somewhere in between. They are what they are and all I can do is live with “things” just like they are. Well…not true. There are always other options. It seems as though I’ve let go of the postmodern outlook on life (that I define my own reality). *sigh* At the end of the day, I really am a hopeless waste of space most of the time.

So interest is picking up – some people in the business world are getting interested in my study. A person of interest went out of his way to invite me to a dinner meeting next week. He told me all the movers and shakers will be there and I should go rub elbows with them. JEEZ!! Seriously? I know it’s a huge opportunity. 1% of me says “Hooray! This is a massive lucky break! I can go impress people, stir up future opportunities, finish up this data collection in a few short weeks, and move on with my life!!” The other 99% says, “OH HELL! A dinner meeting two hours away with people (no doubt probably all women-hating men) I don’t know, in an expensive restaurant I really can’t afford, who will probably all think I’m a dykey bitch who thinks she knows more than they do .“ The guy who invited me can’t attend (and anyway, I’ve never met him either). I should be thrilled that anyone thinks enough of me that I got invited, but it’s hard to be anything but worried about how awkward it will be. I will hate myself forever if I don’t go….so I will go. Just suck it up, man up, and make myself go.

self portrait...if you can find me

I’m such a F’ing mouse about everything. I like to blend in and be sort of invisible to the world…I’m pretty good at doing just that. Under the radar – that’s me. I should have been born a tree in a dense forest (or not at all).

But no, I’m not a helpless, weakling wallflower all the time. Yesterday, a road crew paved the road in front of our office. Apparently they had flagmen at both ends of the work section but were not controlling traffic that was leaving the parking lot exits. I left the office a bit late so most cars were already gone. I got to the road and saw orange cones blocking one lane, but no cars coming either way, no flag people or equipment in sight. I turned right, got to the top of the hill, and met a redneck in a pickup truck coming head-on in my lane. There was enough space on the berm to get over, so I moved over so we could pass. He had his window down and when we got close, he screamed “Fucking bitch!” to me. When he got closer, I looked him in the eyes and flipped him off as he went by. Back atcha, Buddy. I’ve never done that before (except for when I was teasing somebody) but I thoroughly enjoyed giving him that classy display of appreciation for his classy comment.

No comments: