Tuesday, September 18, 2012

critical mass reached

You'll never say hello to you
Until you get it on the red line overload
You'll never know what you can do
Until you get it up as high as you can go
Out along the edges
Always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity

Highway to the Danger Zone
Gonna take you
Right into the Danger Zone
Highway to the Danger Zone

(lyrics by Kenny Loggins)

Things have reached critical mass. My faith is shaken – faith in myself, faith in my decision to pursue a doctoral degree, faith in the university as a legitimate institution, faith in my resolve to continue.  I am broken in so many ways.

Without going into all the gory details, the board declined my proposal change request due to “a problem” that necessitated a flurry of emails to clarify. What it boiled down to was that the board refused to review my request because I submitted it as two documents (change form and application); they wanted these attached to each other (i.e. one document).

My argument is that the instructions (all of two sentences) printed on the form do not imply these documents were to be combined. The instructions say to submit the form, application, and any other pertinent documents. Along with my argument, I emailed a list of like 25 questions that I want answered before submitting again. I’m done with guessing games. Nobody is accountable. I am shouldering the burden of all their errors and incompetence. It’s a for-profit institution, a business, and this customer is not satisfied! They are just milking me for more money – thousands of dollars.

I got that email yesterday and blew a gasket. If somebody had seen me having my private rant (I hid in the supply closet), they would have grabbed a rifle with a scope and a box of tranquilizer darts. I would have gladly torn somebody’s arms and legs off in that state of mind. No, I’m not a violent person. It’s a scary place when things don’t go my way. In comparison, the violence in my imagination when a rage sets in makes an al qaeda Jihad look like a Cub Scout jamboree.

So now, I’m at the start of a new limbo until my questions are answered. Advisor told chairman to forward my questions and complaint to a specific board member. I emailed chairman asking him to tell me when he forwarded the questions because I’m tracking things very closely now from this point forward.  He didn’t reply, I texted several more times and he finally came back with this. He has a different plan.

It almost seems like he cares….which for some strange reason makes me feel incredibly happy. At least in my imagination, he is sincere. I’m watching the clock today….and hoping my chairman brings me some good news.  If not, maybe it's time to....nothing good to fill in that blank. 


Linda and her Twaddle said...

It all sounds like a frustrating and convoluted process.
How do things get like that in work situations? It reminds me of when I worked in the Corporate world.

KYLady said...

In a bureaucratic corporation, it's hard to get a decision on anything because no single person wants to be blamed. In the situation of my university, it’s been that I accepted and acted on misinformation and incorrect interpretations from different employees who are not held accountable. I don’t have any access to people making decisions. It’s very frustrating.