Awkward

I was a terribly geeky teenager – as geeky as they come.  No social skills whatsoever, few  friends, no sense of personal style – you get the picture.  I tried my best to dress and look like everyone else around me, blending in (being invisible) as best as I could…it was hard.



I was in the high school band.  In those days, being in band was something popular kids did.  I joined band because I liked music.  Teens these days are shocked to even imagine band kids could ever be popular.  Anyway, during marching season, we were bussed to the football stadium across town to practice half time shows for the last two periods of every day.  During concert season, we had band 7th period of the day and students were excused 8th period and could go home.  

Across the street from our school was the city’s public library.  Usually, my girlfriend, also in band, and I went to the library for 8th period and did homework while we waited for her dad to pick us up when he got off work.  The library was oftentimes used by students who attended the community college.  One day, there was a college student/ man who was ever so dreamy sitting at a table across the room from us.  He was working hard and rarely looked up.  My imagination ran wild.  He was definitely my type – long blond hair down on his shoulders, and a beard and mustache.  Very, very, very cute.  I was around 16, with virtually no experience with boys.  My girlfriend saw me staring at him and commented that he was gorgeous (not in those words) but to forget about him because he was way out of our league.  Of course, I knew that but I liked watching him work.  He was perfect in every way.  

This mystery man started showing up on a regular basis.  We always sat at the same table and when we walked in, sometimes he was sitting closer to our table.  Weeks went by.  Pretty girls flirted with him and sat down to visit with him.  I lost all hope.    

One afternoon, we arrived at the library and there he was, sitting at the table not far from ours.  I tossed my books on the table and went to the restroom.  Coming back, I stopped in the stacks to browse.  My girlfriend came back to find me, “What the hell are you doing?  He asked about you.  He wanted to know your name and if you’re dating someone.  I think he’s going to ask you out.  Get back out here!”  Paralysis.  My brain went numb as my friend went back out to our table.  I dashed back into the restroom to check my hair and face…as if it even mattered at that point.  Freaking out totally, a million worries running through my mind – I (hideous geek) might have to talk to the magnificent guy.  He might say something to me.  He might figure out what a total nerdy geeky freak I am and regret speaking to me.  Etc. etc.

Adrenaline high and rubber legs, I hid and spied on the perfectly-beautiful goldilocks bearded Adonis boy/man for a few minutes.   Courage.  I sauntered out from the stacks trying to act like I didn’t have a clue anything was up.  I purposely looked in the opposite direction, away from Mr. Beautiful, as if I forgot he was there.  I have no idea what happened exactly, but somehow I tripped over my feet and fell flat.  KERTHUD - right in the middle of the library floor.  It didn’t hurt me but you can’t begin to imagine my embarrassment.  I jumped up, face flaming red, silent mental meltdown.  The librarian came running out from behind her desk, “OH MY GOD!  ARE YOU OK????”  Thanks for announcing to the world, lady, “yes.  I’m fine,” I muttered.  I died a thousand deaths in those moments, walked over to the table, and sat with my back to Mr. No-chance-now. 

My friend shook her head and hissed, “You’re really unbelievable.  You’re never going to get a husband.”  I knew it already and didn’t need to hear it from her.   But if you can believe in miracles, Mr. Beautiful waited 15 minutes or so and came over to our table.  He introduced himself, we talked a few minutes, and he asked for my phone number.  We dated for eight months or so until he transferred to a university and moved out of town.  He was a good friend, and it all ended well.  I have no idea where in the world he is, but I hope his life is good.