Monday, January 3, 2011

Dragons are winning

Failure is not pretty.  Today is New Years holiday for me.  I planned a productive day but the dragons came out to fight and they are winning.  What do the tough do when the going gets tough?  I thought I was tough.  I dreamed about my dissertation last night - a topic within IT, imagine that - my own field???  How dare my subconscious attempt to suggest research into something I'm familiar with!  I must not have had enough doubts and confusion already, so now let's add something else!  The research question was handed to me in my sleep.  Does Sarbanes-Oxley influence job satisfaction of older IT employees (pre-SOX) more than younger (post-SOX) IT employees?  This can easily be tied to leadership.  There is a world-wide shortage of IT workers predicted, thanks to many factors - fewer people going into the field because of our nerdy persona, perceptions that our jobs are uninvolved and boring, fears that all the jobs are going overseas, etc.  Add to this predicted shortage the fact that 65% of us are over 50 and throw in SOX that really does make our jobs tedious..spells...hard times are coming if you need IT people in this country.  I've been researching it this morning - there's studies about the accounting profession, but not so much the IT profession.  

So what do the tough do?  I felt (still feel) like a total failure.  If I can't be "man enough" to pick a dissertation topic, I'll bake some F'ing cookies for my kids.  Maybe I can be a successful mother if nothing else!  The kids are off to school today so now's my chance to make some home-made cookies to surprise them when they come home from school - just like on TV!!  I was going to make chocolate chip cookies, but guess what, no chocolate chips in the house.  Not wanting to take time to go to the store, I made do with butterscotch oatmeal cookies.  Problem: these are Someone's favorites and when he walks in from work and sees them, he will claim ownership.  Solution: hide some for the kids.  It's just as well.  If I'd made chocolate chip (my favorites), I would have been tempted to eat a couple.  God knows a female in my frame of mind has no business around chocolate of any kind.  I may as well build an atomic bomb. 

Cookies made, now what?  Back to Disturbia.  I can't face it anymore.  My class starts back tomorrow, then there'll be no more time to agonize over topics.  I guess I'll start on assignments due this week and hope the thick fog clears before I crash tonight.  If I can't make a decision soon, there's no hope of graduating on time.  




Sarah Wood said...

I look like a dragon sitting here in the old house using the internet with no heat. I'm eating hot ramen noodles too, super dragon smoke breath! Usually your dreams are really weird, but this one sounds useful! GO WITH YOUR GUT MOMMY!! (except when it comes to chocolate chip cookies)

KYLady said...

LOL! No chocolate for this old lady! I hope you can get moved soon - I worry about you in that place. No heat at all? And no insulation in the walls - it's going to get down in the teens tonight. My tent might be warmer than that old wreck of a house. Could you cuddle with the horses in the barn?