Friday, January 21, 2011

Friday is just another day

It’s Friday. I used to get excited about Fridays – two days of freedom for sleeping in, playing golf, piddling around in the flower beds and garden, watching movies, catching up on things, etc. – but Fridays haven’t meant that for me for over three years now. What is the life of a mother\full time salaried worker\doctoral student\ wife? It’s a life of non-stop guilt. There’s never enough time to do any of it right. Perhaps the real problem is that I’m a perfectionist and I want to do things right. As it turns out, I disappoint everyone, including myself.  I fall asleep at my desk, I still don’t have a dissertation topic, the house is disaster, the kids don’t even bother to ask anymore, and my husband……if I were him, I would have left me a long time ago. So, self-pity is not a good place to be. I should just be grateful he hasn’t left me yet and the kids have survived.  I am grateful to be able to afford school, and to have my job…as dreary as it has become thanks to Sarbanes-Oxley….it does pay well.  I’ve promised everyone that when I am through this program, I will make up for it all.  I hope they will be waiting when that time comes.  College instructors make a lot less money than me, but I will only work like 30 hours a week. Compared to 50+ hours per week – that’s like a whole extra day of life every week!  My life is in the it's always been. 

So – the little lake behind my office looked pretty neat yesterday. I’m not sure why it looked like this. I wonder if it’s a bunch of different depths and it makes it thaw unevenly?  The little lake is my favorite thing about working in this place.

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