Fear of stagnation (or being left behind)

 A quick AI overview tells me that there is no word in English that means fear of stagnation, although, it’s very common for people to be afraid of falling behind. I have great fear that my ability to use modern technology will evaporate. This drives my desire to stay active in my profession. Surely by keeping my eyes and hands on technology every day, I’ll continue to be able to use it. At least, that is my greatest hope.

My mother worked in IT for many years. She was a COBOL programmer for the last 10 years of her career. Now, she can barely use a cell phone and no longer has interest in PCs or technology. My in-laws are elderly (around 90 years old) – neither can do more than barely function with a cell phone and cable TV. Someone is less than 70 and is functionally illiterate with the internet, cell phones, streaming, and his car. I cannot! Gigantic period (or exclamation point, as it were).

Sarah brought her girls (MY grandchildren 😊) to our house for Trick or Treating on Halloween. We have a decent neighborhood for that; some people are not so lucky. Someone stayed home to pass out candy to any kids who came to our door so that Sarah and I could supervise and coach our little delightfuls to participate in civilized and safe candy collection.  At age 5, Catherine can walk much faster than her sister, Elizabeth, who is about two-and-a-half years old. Elizabeth watches Catherine closely and mirrors her every move. If Catherine doesn’t want her hand held, Elizabeth wants to stop having her hand held. But then, if everyone was no more than a step or two in front of her, we heard Elizabeth wail (while running to catch up even with us), “You were leaving me behind!”  or “You left me behind!” Of course, the adults kept assuring her we would never leave her behind or forget about her.  

 

Our Jack is not scary

We had a spectacular October here in the northeastern Kentucky Ohio River valley. So many sunny days and warm temperatures. Even today in early November, the temperature is mid-60s.  I will leave my houseplants outside as long as possible, perhaps another week. We have no frost warnings yet. The recent rain is bringing the leaves down, and then we will have naked trees and the dreary winter to deal with. Even so, I’m looking forward and feeling inspired about Christmas this year…more so than I have in several years. That’s a story for another time.

My favorite hickory is exquisite in the morning sun

project management incompetence

There was a time in my professional life when I was a competent project manager. Lord knows that I do know the principles and techniques of project management; however, in my personal life, these principles have faded from my practice of managing all forms of projects. As a result, shit just rarely gets finished. When I start things, it’s a roulette wheel spin as to when or if it will ever be finished. With full capability of creating (documenting) a schedule of milestones to keep a project on track…I just don’t do it in any format other than mental notes and admonishments to self.

Perhaps the main problem is that there is no sense of urgency to finish a project in most cases. Or perhaps there are so many other things to do that are way more fun (i.e., friends text and say we have an 11:42 tee time if I want to meet them).  Without the cadence of classes to keep up with – it is summer break - there is no prioritization of personal things (tasks and events), and so, shit doesn’t happen, or it gets started and not finished.

ho hum *sigh*

KYLady must vow to muster fortitude and get her ducks lined up. It would be good for her to demonstrate that adulting is still possible, even at her advanced age and in light of what is most likely the onset of probable dementia.

Meanwhile…to change the subject…summer is rolling by like a freight train, fast and furious. Golf is consuming a lot of it, because I like it and I let it. I’ve made great friends with my 54º wedge and approach wedge. Frequency of playing has most definitely improved my putting. I’ve never played so much golf that I became tired of it. My lady friends never want to play more than 27 holes in a day. Someone is no longer able to play more than 27 holes. As such, I oftentimes play alone which is great fun when nobody is behind me. I can replay shots with different clubs, and redo putts until the ball goes into the hole (or I give up). Such is a benefit of golf club membership – unlimited play.

There is news to catch up on. Emily completed her PhD program quite successfully in May and graduated. Someone and I attended the public defense of her dissertation research, a pinning ceremony, and her graduation. I couldn’t be more proud of her accomplishments. Erin couldn’t attend because she started a new job and finally launched the career she prepared for in college. Good for her, I think. She has told me some things that make me worry about her safety at her office. People can be quite scary. Big career things are happening for Sarah has well. I am blessed with talented children – all of them.

Congratulations, Dr. Emily

Catherine had her first dance recital in June. It was delightful to see her on stage. I thought she did very well. Elizabeth’s vocabulary has increased every time I see her. I love visiting my granddaughters and spending time with them. What a privilege and pleasure it is to have all the fun parts of playing with children and none of the responsibilities.  

Catherine on the right

Catherine - look at her pointing her toe!!

Give me golf

 I was playing golf with Someone yesterday, and “something” happened. Something exciting - exciting to me, anyway. When something like that happens to me, every single dopamine receptor in the deepest convolutions of my brain lights up. It must be true that I’m addicted to golf, but don’t be thinking to do an intervention (or exorcism) on me. I plan to chase this dopamine rush until my last breath, or at least, until I’m just unable to hit a ball and be happy about it.

AI generated at my request (yes I know it's wasteful)

So, after two hip replacements and now with two functioning hips, the old KyLady-on-the-golf-course is almost back, but in some ways, better! I’m more consistent thanks to lots of buckets and drills at the driving range. I’m getting way more distance with irons since I’ve finally learned to compress the ball. My drives are still 10-15 yards shorter than they were 20 years ago, but maybe that will come around. If not, as long as I can keep them in the fairway, it’s OK. Accuracy is way more important than distance (in my most-humble opinion). Not going to lie though, distance is FUN!

So yesterday, Someone and I were playing River Bend. Neither of us were having a great round, but perhaps just a little below our usual performance – it’s still so early in the season. Regardless, we only count pars and birdies.  We have fun rather than documenting our mis-hits and bad luck. On the 18^th (par-4) hole, we both hit marvelous tee shots that were positioned in middle of the fairway about 10 yards apart. Keep in mind this green is surrounded on the left and back sides by a bend in the river. The green itself is the size of a postage stamp, it’s elevated, and it’s really hard to stick a ball on it no matter what time of year it is or how much rain we’ve had.  Someone had about 90 yards and hit his 9 iron over the green. Bye ball.  I had about 82 to the green. It’s too far for my 54 wedge which goes about 65 yards for me, and too close for my pitching wedge which goes about 100 yards with a full swing. I choke down on my pitching wedge and try a ¾ swing. The ball hit the front edge of the green and rolled backwards down the embankment, stopping some 20 yards from the pin. Finesse is not my forte *sigh*

This fox and I had a standoff (foxes live all around the golf course)

So, here we are, nobody behind us. I said, “Dammit [Someone -  although I said his name], gimme your A wedge! I’m going to try something here.” I don’t have a gap wedge, but I’ve been thinking about buying one for over a year. I dropped a ball and hit his wedge. It sailed high and plopped on the green, stopping quickly at what looked to be within a yard of the pin. Woohoo! I was excited about it, but when we got up close to the green, we could see that the ball was actually within one inch of being an eagle. Immediate hallelujah full-on dopamine rush. Of course, the shot didn’t count, because, you know, reality.

Still, with that shot on my mind, I searched the web (high and low) and found a used gap wedge that matches my Taylormade irons (Someone is married to Calloways). It’s supposed to be good condition…we can hope. I should be in business with it by the middle of April. It excites me to think about it making its way from who knows where into my very hands. It excites me even more that I have another tee time for tomorrow morning. 

Beside #2 (par 5) at River Bend 

 

Bird Brain

We have hard-core winter this week. A giant snowstorm with ice and COLD temperatures (near zero) befell much of our country over the weekend. It’s not warming up and it’s supposed to get even colder over the next week. Yet, I am grateful. We did not lose power at all. I fully expected for a tree to fall on a powerline and prepared us for the worst. It could still happen and who knows when? Ice damages trees. We now have a propane heater (and propane), a working carbon monoxide detector, candles, batteries for the flashlights, water, and a few other essentials. We can survive.

Beautiful ice in the sunlight - photo doesn't do justice

I also bought extra food for the birds. I feed the birds year-round so that I can watch them from my desk as I work. It’s delightful! They delight me – everything about them. I put out several different blends of bird seed and suet because it attracts different birds to our yard. I’m not great at identifying birds, but over the years, I’ve learned to recognize some of our most frequent visitors by their shapes, colors, and songs.

The Merlin app has been a huge help in my bird education (thank you, Sarah, for telling me about it). Once downloaded, it quickly became one of my favorite phone apps. Merlin uses AI to “listen” and identify birds. One of my favorite things to do is to step outside at daybreak when the birds are just waking up, and turn on Merlin. The bird diversity in our yard is amazing. Merlin also identifies when a bird is rare in my location, which is particularly exciting.

Some of these birds detected by Merlin on my phone (in alphabetic order) in or near our yard are:

Acadian Flycatcher
American Crow
American Goldfinch
American Redstart
American Robin
Baltimore Oriole
Blackburnian Warbler
Blue-gray gnatcatcher
Blue Jay
Brown-headed Cowbird
Brown Thrasher
Canada Goose
Cape May Warbler (rare)
Carolina Chickadee
Carolina Wren
Chipping Sparrow
Cedar Waxwing
Chimney Swift
Common Grackle
Common Merganser (rare)
Common Yellowthroat
Cooper’s Hawk
Dark-eyed Junco
Downy Woodpecker
Eastern Bluebird
Eastern Meadowlark
Eastern Phoebe
Eastern Towhee
Eastern Wood-Pewee
Field Sparrow
Golden Crowned Kinglet
Grasshopper Sparrow
Gray Catbird
Great Blue Heron
Hermit Thrush (rare)
House Finch
House Wren (rare)
Indigo Bunting
Louisiana Waterthrush (rare)
Mallard (rare)
Mourning Dove
Northern Cardinal
Northern Flicker
Northern Mockingbird
Northern Parula
Orchard Oriole
Pileated Woodpecker
Pine Warbler
Purple Martin
Red-bellied Woodpecker
Red-eyed Vireo
Red-tailed Hawk
Red-shouldered Hawk
Red-winged Blackbird
Rose-breasted Grosbeak (rare)
Ruby-crowned Kinglet
Ruby-throated Hummingbird
Scarlet Tanager
Song Sparrow
Summer Tanager
Tennessee Warbler
Yellow-billed Cuckoo
Yellow-breasted Chat
Yellow-rumped Warbler
Yellow-throated Vireo
Yellow-throated Warbler
Tufted Titmouse
Warbling Vireo
White-breasted Nuthatch
White-eyed Vireo
White-throated Sparrow
Wood Thrush

I have this list because if Merlin detects a new bird for me, I screenshot it. Merlin doesn’t get all the birds though. We have barred owls and great-horned owls that hang out in the woods behind our house. I sometimes get to see them, but usually only hear them (at dusk or night). Sometimes I hear an unfamiliar bird but other noise (dogs, traffic, etc.) makes Merlin incapable of defining it.  

Two rare birds captured by Little Sandy River

Perhaps it’s an old-people thing to care about birds. My grandfather fed birds – his favorites were the crows. He said they were clever and had distinct personalities and behaviors. My dad loved cardinals. I have always loved hawks and owls, but the calls of mourning doves and wood thrushes transport me to another world.

Looking through my list, I could probably identify 30 of those birds on sight reliably. I’ve never seen an indigo bunting with my eyes but it was so exciting to hear one and know it was close. I love the bluebirds and have worked hard to attract them – they are here rarely. I have no idea why Starling is not on my list – we have them daily. They must leave when I am outside with the Merlin app open on my phone. I can fully understand why people become passionate birdwatchers. 😊

Moving on to 2026

 Life happens…with or without writing about what goes on, time passes. Without writing, most of it is forgotten or runs together, and chronology becomes indistinct. At least, that is the case for me. I enjoy writing, and yet I rarely do it anymore.

Someone and I played a shit ton of golf last summer and fall. Bit by bit, I became less able to walk, hike, or do anything I love doing. On December 10, I had another hip replacement. The left side was replaced in December 2019 (just before the infamous Covid shutdown), and now the right side, December 2025. I am 5 weeks post-surgery, and almost off the cane at this point. My life is just now starting to feel normal again. The pessimist in me wonders which joint will go bad next. Time will answer the question, but for now, my goal is to visit the driving range in February and be back on the golf course and hiking trails in March.

Where I want to be

I will babysit my granddaughters again in late March. It is a lot, but I love everything about my time with them. To visit for a few hours is one thing, but to stay with them and make them do mundane necessary things (eat, bathe, brush teeth, use the potty, go to bed, be nice to each other, etc.) …is an entirely different experience for me, the grandmother. It causes me to wonder if I was ever an effective mother based on my ineffective performance with these tasks as a grandmother. I must have been a tyrant mother because my kids obeyed fairly well.

Now 4 

Will be 2 in a few months

Things will happen in 2026. Our sweet dogs are getting old and feeble, yet, Someone and I will do some traveling because we are also getting older and more feeble. Nothing is planned yet – I’m researching. First up will be a trip (for me and any of my girls who can go) to Florida to visit my mother. Flights were booked for December 2025 and then postponed because of my surgery date. It’s time to reschedule for March sometime, probably early in the month.

Gracie

our Mick

The next trip(s) will be for me and Someone. Perhaps we will go to Arizona, or perhaps to Tennessee, and most likely we will go to Myrtle Beach again this year because that’s Someone’s favorite place on this Earth. Someone also wants us to cruise somewhere. I’ve been watching videos and trying to get inspired about cruises. I know the ships are huge and there is plenty to do, but it looks so isolated and artificial to be at sea on a massive floating city ship. I don’t care about fancy unlimited food, laying in the sun, gambling, shopping, or exciting night life. I do like a good show, but not every day. Someone talks about how “fun” it will be to eat, play slot machines, and work out in a gym every day. There is zero enthusiasm from me thinking about those activities. Although, perhaps we can play golf on some little exotic island somewhere. Perhaps we can hike or get in a canoe or kayak. It never hurts to stretch horizons and see something new, so perhaps that is how I should imagine a cruise, rather than focusing on living with Someone and his sweaty gym clothes in tight quarters for ever how long the thing lasts.

It's hard to envision travel dates with so much to happen in 2026. We expect Emily to graduate this year because she expects to defend her dissertation this spring. I refuse to miss her graduation because not only is it a big deal, I did not see her graduate as an undergraduate because the ceremony was on the same day and time as Erin’s. Someone attended Emily’s ceremony with his parents and Sarah accompanied me to Erin’s ceremony. Neither girl had a graduation ceremony as graduate students because of Covid. Fuck Covid! Not only did it kill people, its damage goes beyond measure in more ways than we will ever be able to count.

Old KyLady has new interest in fitness now that she’s had two hips gone bad and repaired. Perhaps she will find a trainer and make a commitment to visit the gym. #goal  For now, physical therapy visits continue for another few weeks…until I can walk without limping. #anothergoal

July - fun with family

 Whelp – so now it’s the tail of July, and just now I’m getting around to another blog post. I expected to write more frequently now that I’m less burdened with work life, but here we are. On a more positive note, I’ve read four books since procuring a library card, and I just started another one yesterday. Reading has caused me to remember how a person can lose themselves in a good story. 

Earlier this month, Someone and I vacationed in Myrtle Beach – his favorite place in all the world. I have attended the annual Someone’s extended family’s Myrtle Beach trip nearly every year since we’ve been married (perhaps it’s been 32 years – I don’t keep tabs on that statistic). For the first time in so many years, his parents (now 90) decided they couldn’t go. Someone invited our girls to go to entice me to go. As much as I dislike the beach, any beach, of course I wanted to go to spend time with my kids and grandkids. It may have been more delightful for all of us (except him) to visit a different beach or place we’ve never been, but he is always wanting familiar experiences. *sigh*      

Rain was predicted for the entire time we were there, but the weather was mostly nice. We had a great swimming pool. The little ones enjoyed the beach – digging in the sand and splashing around in the surf. Elizabeth was particularly delighted with the ocean experience. Of course, we adults were always standing close by to keep little girls from getting swept out to sea (God forbid such an unfortunate event, but it happens). A few times, Elizabeth lost her balance and face-planted into the water. An adult was always very quick to pick her up and set her back on her feet. She would start to cry, but as soon as the next wave washed in, she would giggle. Joy outweighs fear in most cases.

We also visited Ripley’s Aquarium, which I think we all enjoyed. Elizabeth waved to the big sharks a few times when they swam over her head. Catherine delighted in the interactive exhibits and the strategically-placed climbing/play areas. It was a beastly hot day so spending a few hours in an air-conditioned building designed for entertainment, education, and adventure was a welcome respite.

On our last evening in Myrtle Beach, we had a little birthday party for Someone. How lucky for him that he got to celebrate his birthday with family in his favorite place in the world.

Once home, we retrieved our sweet pups from the kennel. I hate putting them there, but Gracie’s disposition does not lend itself to having our neighbor boys take care of her for us. I hire two brothers to come and do our cats. We are blessed to have wonderful neighbors. The dogs go to a kennel when Erin or Emily can't stay with them. I love our animals. Pets are such a life gift!  

Mick missed us!

Happy homecoming!

With all the rain at home while we were in South Carolina, our garden went crazy!  We’ve never grown so much produce from our pathetic little plot. Our cabbages expanded to the size of volleyballs. Our corn grew at least another foot taller – it’s just now ready to consume. We have more bell peppers than I know what to do with, and they are gigantic! The most notable is the butternut squash! Even though the deer ate or destroyed several of them, there are at least 7 or 8 big ones to do something with. And the beans!  Someone picked nearly six pounds of beans when we got home.

Garden maintenance takes a bit of time, but it’s an enjoyable hobby for Someone and I. My houseplants are barely surviving this summer on the screened porch…I need to start spending more time tending them. Several need repotting. Several need to be cut back. All need to be fertilized and given some appreciation. My plants do better when I give them positive affirmations while I’m attending to their needs. Someone would say that concept is utter hogwash – plants don’t communicate. It must be that he can’t speak their language. 😊  

It's been a hot minute

How has it happened that more than a year has passed since I last posted to my blog? I’ve started several posts, but alas, never finished them. My thoughts are that if I read more, I would write more. My brain has atrophied with mindless computer games, home improvement TV shows, and golf.

Reading more – that’s a goal that I acted on this week. I visited our public library and got a new card (because my old account expired with too many years of inactivity). Our library is small (because the town is small), but now I have access to a great variety of online books. I’ve had access to Amazon Prime Reading for years but rarely find anything I want to read on Prime. Perhaps the great state of Kentucky’s taxpayers will have more selection to offer me.   

I retired from University #2 (which was solely adjunct work) in April. Thank the Lord! The students there were delightful, and the people were nice enough. It was just very low pay for the increasing levels of performance expectations. Finally, I decided it was too much extra work for such low pay. Shedding that burden has been a huge improvement in my life.

I am officially retired from University #1 at the end of June, this month. I will return to adjunct teaching there (which I did for nearly two years before they offered me a full time position). I’m less delighted with this decision, but it will be fine in the long run. Life is short, as we all know or come to find out if we’re lucky enough, and it’s time for this old lady to get out and live more. I am on their schedule to teach five classes starting August, all online which is my preference. Upon my last check, all have enough students enrolled in them to go.

Someone retired at the end of December. That was a hard decision for him, but everyone encouraged him to do it – it was time.  For sure, it was a good change for him because job stress was getting to him, and he was becoming increasingly negative. The adjustment was rough for him, but now that I’m not driving into work everyday, he seems to be doing better.

We recently took a “celebratory” vacation to Maui. This was Someone’s dream vacation – he has visited twice (most recently, like 35 years ago) and wanted to return again. My dream vacation is Canada, but alas, he cannot imagine any other vacation until we checked this box. We stayed six full days which was more than enough for me. We played golf five of those days on four different courses. We visited the Maui Gold pineapple plantation which was the highlight of the trip for me. What I liked most about Maui: plumeria trees which smelled heavenly, the mongooses on the golf courses, and seeing chickens everywhere. Literally, everywhere! We stayed on the south side of the island in Kihei where the waves are not much and the water is clear, so we swam in the ocean which is something I hadn’t done in at least seven or eight years. Maui is lovely, but I don’t care if I never go back to Hawaii. It’s a long way to go and it has similar vibe to Florida (in my opinion…it is Florida with mountains).

Emerald course, Wailea Golf Club - this was my favorite

Blossoms on a plumeria tree - these smelled marvelous!

I can’t end this post without mentioning my delicious grandchildren. Elizabeth’s eyes and toothy smile are intoxicating. She is now starting to put a few words together. Catherine is delightful with her cleverness and sense of humor. Most recently, Elizabeth was bugging her with one of her toys, so Catherine took the toy and placed it up high out of Elizabeth’s reach, saying the toy would be in time out for a while, maybe two weeks. Also, Catherine called me and asked me to go swimming with her the next day. When I told her I wanted to, but I couldn’t come this time, she reminded me that it was going to be 90% hot tomorrow. No doubt she had heard one of her parents say that it was getting up to 90 degrees.

Some static and a mindful Schnaggle (kittycat)

Catherine - so creative! 

Elizabeth - such a cutie!

Sarah with Elizabeth

Now that I’m semi-retired once again, I hope to spend more time with the little girls and my girls. There’s also a special project that has been hanging out in a box in my office room and in a corner of my mind – it involves a promise that I made to my brother before he died, and to my living brother when I agreed to take possession of the contents of the box. This involves setting up a new blog site. I will get this done.

Before you think that I may be bored with so much “free time”, let me assure you that I have a very, VERY long list of projects that need doing. In fact, my remaining life span may not be long enough to even start some of them. Let me assure you, it’s all good. I’m blessed with a marvelous life.  

One last item to include in this post, I adopted my mother's two cats last fall. She broke her hip just before Emily's wedding and never recovered enough to care for them. Although I assured her she can have them back if she is every able to get around well enough, it seems permanent. They are beautiful cats and it's nice to have kitties in our home again. Mick is completely chill with cats. Gracie is too old to be a threat to them, but Blossom in particular is fearful of Gracie. Bubbles knows she can easily outrun Gracie. Blossom and Bubbles are sisters from the same litter.

Blossom (formerly named Erin by my mother)

Bubbles (formerly named Emily by my mother)

Mick - sweetest dog that ever lived

My Gracie - 💓

Huge thanks to Emily and Erin for house and pet sitting while Someone and I visited Maui.