Inception walking

So, I haven’t blogged in a bit. It’s been busy, busy, busy all the time for me with schoolwork and all the stuff that’s going on in my life right now. I reread that last post. I apologize for it, but I am quite in awe of my ability to use the F word in so many forms in a single sentence – let’s see…adjective, verb, adverb, and …is that an object of preposition? Not that I should be proud of myself for that. When I was young and used bad language, I was made to write many, MANY times “I will not take the name of the Lord in vain.” Never mind that my foul language usually didn’t involve the Lord’s name at all. What good did that punishment do? None! Time, ink, and trees were wasted with those exercises. Typically, I wrote down the page I I I I , then will will will will, then not not not, etc. If I wrote the entire sentences out, I added (in my head) the F word in all the appropriate spots. I will (F’ing) not take the (F’ing) name of the …oh no…but I did… Maybe it’s why I have migraines all the time. It’s my punishment.


My brother has accepted that he will die from drinking and not be going to rehab. I saw him yesterday, he looks dreadful. He’s 6’6” tall and I’m sure he can’t weigh more than 130 pounds now - my big brother who I used to think was indestructible and as strong as a lion. I hugged him when I left because I’m afraid I won’t see him alive again. I feel guilty in so many ways…but that’s not for the blog.

I remembered another story about little girls’ panties! Actually…I think they were in diapers but they had ruffled panties over their diapers because they were wearing fancy, frilly dresses. This one can’t be kept anonymous because it involves two little girls between 2 and 3 years old. We took them to church one Sunday morning and dressed them up extra cute because the childrens’ Sunday school classes were going to each get up in front of the congregation and sing a song or two…I forget the occasion. Anyway, Someone’s Mom had bought the girls frilly matching dresses and it was a warm day, so I put ruffled panties on them over their diapers instead of tights, and they wore lacy ruffled socks and little black patent Mary Jane shoes. Yes, they looked adorable. The kids all sat together in the front with their classes; Someone and I sat near the back in our usual pew. One group of kids was up on stage doing their thing. They were obviously distracted by something happening in the front pew. These were kids about 8 to 10 years old and some stopped singing and started giggling. Then we saw some adults in the choir smiling and talking, and then the minister started grinning. I started looking between heads to see what was so funny up front. Well, wouldn’t you know, it was my girls. The preschool group was sitting in the front pew and I could see just the tops of their little heads, but here’s what I saw..head, head, head, head, feet, feet, head, head, head, etc. My girls had slid down in the pew and had their legs sticking straight up in the air giving everyone in the front of the church a full view of their legs and panties. They were quite oblivious to the distraction and disruption they were causing. Finally the preschool teacher got up, walked over, and made them sit back up in their seats. After church was over, I asked them what they were doing. Emily told me she and Erin were playing on the ceiling.


Erin - Spring, 1999



Emily - Spring, 1999

ready or not

I’ve had little enthusiasm for the current class, and I’m dreadfully far behind on the reading. The text books have been surprisingly interesting but I haven’t started the journal articles which are usually what I concentrate most on. Hopefully, this change in strategy isn’t a huge mistake. If the professor posts one more helpful hint, success tip, word of advice, or explanation of his grading rubric, I’m going to have a full blown panic attack or something. Just how much of an asshole does he plan to be? We already know the definition for a substantive post, how to count words, differences between APA version 5 and 6 , etc, etc, etc. Jeez Louise……enough already! Undeserving people have been passed through to this point; why penalize them now? They should have been dealt with years ago. I have to start writing this Sunday, ready or not.


I’m about out of panties stories, but I will mention that when little girls start dressing themselves, it’s not uncommon to find panties worn backwards or inside out. One child in particular used to love running around with little or no clothes on and her panties were nearly always on backwards. She really didn’t care. It would have driven me nuts to have a wedgie all day…but she was OK with it.

Fast forward. One day, I took girls shopping for bras. Bras are hard to fit so I insisted they try them on. One child was discussing how difficult it was to reach behind her to fasten the bra and why didn’t they just make bras fasten in front. I spoke up with motherly advice, “Well, simply fasten it in front, slide it around and stick your arms through the straps.” I assumed they’d seen me or a big sister do that, or at least seen it on TV, for heaven sakes! Other child says, “Oh, I always just do it like this!” She held the bra out in front of her, fastened it, then stepped into it pulling it all the way up over her hips. Um, yeah…good luck with that in a few years!

Sarah proud owner of her first horse, Banjo (Joey). 

haircut alternative

It’s too much running around this week…this whole DANG month has been too DANG busy. I hate when my calendar is so scheduled that I can’t even think about doing anything without consulting my calendar to see if I’m free. When did life become so F’ing complicated? I use that F word way too much. I think that should be the epitaph on my gravestone – “She F’ing died” – no, I don’t want a gravestone. I want to be cremated and my ashes dumped into the river or over a cliff….so it’s like I was never here. I F’ing don’t have time to plan a F’ing funeral and no relatives will have time to come anyway. I’ll be doing them a favor – they won’t have to reschedule their day to attend a funeral – one less complication and that’ll be my parting gift.


If I don’t find time to get a haircut soon….I think I’ll just light a match to it. I’m smiling. I actually did that once accidentally back in my college days – getting ready for a “hot date” and had my hair in rollers. I accidentally set one of the rollers on fire with a match. Long story…not appropriate blog material. I heard “crackle crackle” and started looking around, like, what the hell is that? “It sounds like something is burning,” I thought to myself. Then I realized it was my hair. PANIC! I patted it out with my hands and the roller fell to the floor. I ran to a mirror and saw my eyebrow was singed and there was frayed, singed hair where the roller had been. Yikes. More panic. What do you do when that happens? I parted my hair on the side and it wasn’t too noticeable. Valuable life lesson learned – carelessness has a price. By the way, I now know hair burns extraordinarily fast.

I have been writing about little girl panty stories…let me back up to the diaper stage. One of my little girls found her diaper to be especially useful for storing things. She used it like some people might use their pockets. When I changed her diaper, it was not at all unusual to find plastic animals, rocks, little Polly Pocket dolls, cookies, blocks, gummy snacks, or other assorted little toys in her diaper. Diapers are a bit bulky on a baby but sometimes these objects gave her a very unusual shape. Sometimes, I would pick her up to carry her and feel something hard and strange in her diaper…but with this child, it was always a few blocks or perhaps a plastic hippopotamus. I would change her diaper and tell her it’s not sanitary to eat from her diaper, but she’d just smile at me and look at me with giant eyes, and act all innocent.



bad influence

I’m still dragging from a miserable headcold. Is this what old age does? You get a cold and it takes weeks to recover?


Erin got in from her trip at 2:30 Monday morning and called for a ride home. Jerry popped up and offered to go get her. Thank the Lord. I went back to sleep but as soon as they got in, Erin wanted to talk about her trip and I dozed off and on hearing bits and pieces about hot Australian boys and some New Zealand guy named Ryan. A 15-year-old girl remembers the whole trip in terms of boys and who said what. I’m certain she had fun which is the most important part, and she is talking about working hard next year so they can make it to internationals again. Internationals are in Indiana next year.

Another little girl story related to panties…as promised. The little girl in this story is about 6 years old. It was a dreary, rainy day and I was laying on my bed flipping channels half asleep while the little girl was in her room playing. I was watching MTV music videos when a spoof about Madonna’s birthday party came on. Madonna was opening presents and got lacy, crotchless-panties which she held up for the camera and made some sort of lewd comment. Honestly, I was in that zombie-zone where I would have watched anything that came on because changing the channel was too much effort. What I didn’t know was that my daughter was standing in the doorway watching too….I don’t know for how long. I hear, “Mommy, what are crotchless panties?” Instinctively, I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. That was probably a major mistake - signaling inappropriateness. I stammered and explained very objectively, a description of panties without crotches. I saw her little wheels turning and she asked why that lady wanted those for her birthday. I didn’t come up with a good answer and I think I ended up saying some people think the lady is not very nice and the lady is in show-business so she likes to shock people and get attention with her clothes. Then I quickly changed the subject and suggested that since it was nearly HER birthday, we should go shopping for the new dress I promised her.

So no more talk of panties, we spent the day at the mall and she found a dress in a department store that was having a great sale. Unfortunately the lines were l-o-n-g. We waited in line for at least 20 minutes or so and when we were finally ready to check out, the clerk smiled at her and said, “This is a beautiful dress! It will look lovely on you. Did I hear you say this is your birthday present?” My daughter beamed and agreed that the dress did looked beautiful on her and told her she would be seven in a few days. The lady asked if she was going to have a party. My daughter said “Oh yes. I get a cake with flowers and my name on it so I can blow out the candles, and there’ll be presents that are a surprise.” The clerk said, “I love surprises. Do you hope you get a Barbie doll?” Now, there are two checkout lines at the counter, two clerks, people standing beside and behind us too. People all around us. Imagine this. My daughter says quite loudly, clearly, and very VERY seriously, “ Well, I think my Mommy is getting me some of those crotchless panties.” My mouth dropped open and I felt my face go red. The clerk’s eyebrows went up and her mouth dropped open. The two clerks looked at each other and the clerk looked back at her and said, “Well! Have a happy birthday and enjoy your dress.” She looked at me, handed me the bag, and smiled…and I was never so grateful to exit a store.